When should I tell them? ·
Once you’ve made the decision to tell someone, it is always a good idea to plan ahead. Tell them when you feel ready in a setting that is comfortable for you both. Most people find that neutral territory, for instance, a quiet bar or café, a walk in the park, works better. Choose somewhere safe that is not within earshot of others.
Rehearse and practice what you are going to say. Be prepared not just for good or bad reactions, but no reaction at all. They may need to go away and think about it.
If this isn’t the first person you’ve told, it can be a good idea to ask an existing confidante to help you rehearse and give constructive feedback. It’s important to remember that once you’ve told someone you’re HIV positive you can’t take the information back. This is your news. You decide who knows and when.
Take a leaf out of the scouting handbook and ‘be prepared’. If you can, try to get a sense of the other person’s existing knowledge of – and attitudes to – HIV before you disclose. Some people have done this by starting a casual conversation about an HIV-related item in the news or a storyline in a TV drama or film. Be sensitive to the fact that this is likely to be as difficult for them as it is for you. Most people have very little knowledge about HIV, so try to arrive equipped with the facts and direct them to services that can offer them up-to-date information, advice and support. You might decide to bring along some relevant leaflets for them to read.
“I think it’s about having acceptance from people, then you’re able to accept yourself as well. That was a big change.” – Jack
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